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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767399">A Bad Turn</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konbini/pseuds/Konbini'>Konbini</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mindhunter (TV 2017)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bottom Bill Tench, Coercion, Holden has a rich fantasy life, Intrusive Thoughts, M/M, Top Holden Ford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:21:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26767399</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konbini/pseuds/Konbini</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What was the phrase Monte Rissell had used for thoughts appearing from the ether? </p><p> </p><p>  <em>Like a sneeze.</em></p><p> </p><p>Holden resembles the killers they interview in ways he doesn't like to admit to.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Holden Ford/Bill Tench</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>What was the phrase Monte Rissell had used? </p><p>Like a sneeze.</p><p>Involuntary.</p><p>Holden's thoughts are involuntary. It's not like he<em> wants</em> these images rattling around in his head - whether he uses them or not is besides the point.</p><p>He doesn't want to see the phantom image of Bill being railed over a prison bench by Brudos or Kemper or any other flavour of the week killer behind his eyes. But he does.</p><p>Bill's fine eyelashes clumped with tears, his throat working against a protest, knuckles turning white as he braces, chest flushed.</p><p>It's lurid - explicit.</p><p>Holden wonders what Wendy would have to say about that.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It's not like Holden hasn't had these thoughts before. They happen. Usually it's when an attractive woman - rarely man - catches his attention.</p><p>He'd thought of bending Wendy over the first time he'd seen her. Debbie - well, that had come a little later. Long after they'd actually fucked.</p><p>Bill is a surprise in many respects. He's square and authoritative. He's too tall, too lumbering with his big square shoulders. And - it has to be said - not attractive as his cohorts in Holden's imagination. His face is grating at first but Holden gets used to it.</p><p>Bill's friendly, so there's that. And occasionally infuriating.</p><p>It still doesn't explain why Holden's mind has chosen to inundate him with explicit images.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first time happens during Road School. A few weeks in.</p><p>Bill's been pretty conservative up until that point. Changing mostly in the bathroom and if not - quickly. Efficient as a soldier.</p><p>Bill starts to relax. Only Bill's version of relaxing doesn't look like relaxing - if only because he's always had an easy facade when they've worked together. Bill's relaxing is trading small intimacies. Letting Holden keep his watch on Bill's nightstand when his is filled with notes, letting Holden drive more and more, letting Holden order for him at restaurants, letting Holden see him tie his tie and fuss in the mirror when the door might otherwise be closed.</p><p>Summer starts to set in and that's probably the trigger. They get more and more comfortable with each other until Bill is dressed down to a very nearly sheer undershirt, thin boxers and white socks hiked primly up his calf. And there - a neat image of Bill flat on the bed, hands pushing at Holden's shoulders to keep him away while Holden's hands bend his legs to his chest, boxers tangled at the knees, bare underneath, exposed.</p><p>It's Holden's problem - so of course he doesn't say anything. </p><p>Bill's attire isn't the issue and Holden fully expects it to be a one off.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Lo behold, it isn't a one-off.</p><p>It might just be that they're always together.</p><p>Holden really can't control it. Has never been able to. And it's not<em> just</em> Bill so that's a relief. Only, it's mostly Bill.</p><p>Some days it feels like his mind is the enemy - throwing everything it can at him.</p><p>Bill with Holden's cock in his mouth - blue blue eyes.</p><p>Bill whining softly.</p><p>Bill being pressed down and pressed into.</p><p>Bill overwhelmed and shaking.</p><p>Bill choking on cock.</p><p>Bill bleeding.</p><p>The violence isn't a new element, Holden doesn't pretend. It's always there to a certain degree. He could pretend and say it's only dominance - which it also is, but he doesn't.</p><p>Holden isn't violent. With any of his lovers - past or present. He doesn't even<em> want</em> to be. It's just...stupid. fantasies.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>There are a lot of them.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The incongruity of Bill in the interviews. How he angles himself away, even placing Holden between them like he's trying to protect himself. Like he's acknowledging Holden will protect him.</p><p>Always thoughts - like a sneeze - appearing of Holden turning him over for use.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Even the way Bill talks to Nancy on the phone, all soft, while Holden is pretending to sleep.</p><p>"I just wanted to hear your voice.....Give him a kiss from Dad. Love you too."</p><p>And of course the image then that just has to intrude is Bill being forced to say it while he's being fucked.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Holden almost wonders if he's egging his imagination on. No, not imagination - because if it were he would have some semblance of control over it.</p><p>Nevertheless when he shows up at Bill's home unannounced and sees Bill's bright, inquiring eyes, it happens. Maybe it's the way Bill tilts his head, all curious like, as if he's unsure if this is inappropriate or not and settles on a quiet, 'Hi'.</p><p>Then a 'how do you know where I live?' that seems like even if Holden said he followed him home he'd let it go.</p><p>The image - ridiculous because Holden has never been inside the house - of Bill tied face down on his own bed, where him and Nancy sleep, doesn't leave Holden's mind for days.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Ironically despite Holden's perception of Bill's unfortunate looks, he'd thought of Bill as a ladies man.</p><p>He second guesses it when Bill says, 'Dated-dated? And my wife is the first woman I married-married' like he's scandalized.</p><p>The image then is Bill kneeling in front of him - right where they are - and letting his mouth fall open as Holden says, 'and I bet this is the first cock you've sucked-sucked'.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Later when they're interviewing Kemper the topic of dating again surfaces.</p><p>"I've never been much to look at myself," Ed laments, "but I've always gone after the pretty girls. I'll bet you're the same."</p><p>Holden is expecting that Ed is talking to them both but when he looks up it's Bill that he's staring at. It takes Holden a second to get it and when he does he can't help but stare at Bill too.</p><p>
  <em>I've never been much to look at...</em>
</p><p>He's taking - not a dig, there's no malicious intent - <em>notice</em> of Bill's unfortunate looks.</p><p>Bill shrugs minutely as they both look at him for an uncomfortably long moment.</p><p>"Sure." Bill says smoothly, unoffended but discomforted at the attention. Embarrassed, likely.</p><p>It's like a slap to the face. The thought might have crossed Holden's mind that Bill is a bit homely but...he'd never given any thought to Bill thinking it about himself.</p><p>That makes something in his chest twist.</p><p>Then of course - always some image. This time of Bill trying hard to turn over so he doesn't have to be fucked face to face - and Holden not letting him.</p><p>When it passes and Holden looks back up Ed is already looking at him, something like a smirk at the edges of his mouth. His eyes glance over Bill, who doesn't notice.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Holden's good at his job. And part of it is because Holden is maybe a little like them. That is actually difficult for him to admit. He wouldn't do what they've done, he wouldn't snap.</p><p>So when Bill says on the plane, "And he thinks we're his friends. Well, he thinks you're his friend. Which makes you a pretty great FBI agent." so earnestly trying to reconcile Holden's perception of himself, like he intuitively understands, Holden could <em>kiss</em> him.</p><p>The split image of reaching across the isle and shoving his tongue down Bill's throat.</p><p>Instead he leans back in his seat, relaxes.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Bill would be outraged if he knew. He'd hate for any one to think of him in that light.</p><p>Holden had shared this secret of his only twice. A high school girlfriend - who had slapped him. And a random hookup at college with a delicate looking man - who'd bit his lip and asked if Holden didn't want to make some of them come true.</p><p>The similarities in Brudos narrative doesn't escape him. Mom burned the shoes, Teacher was just curious.</p><p>But Holden isn't like them.</p><p>Not<em> really</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Holden doesn't have the nerve to go past ten when he's questioning Debbie. But - it's past ten, that much is obvious. Debbie's right though, what business is it of his really? Which is why he says 'it's ten then' and doesn't press. His clumsy hands have pressed enough.</p><p>It bothers him. Bothers him in the same way that he's bothered when she can't drop everything for him. It's not rational. It's selfish, even Holden recognizes that although he can occasionally have his head up his ass.</p><p>He thinks of Bill calling him out on it at the bar, after they'd crashed. Thinks about Bill's, 'my wife's the first person I've married-married' 'We've known each other our whole lives' 'i enjoy being married' and wonders if he'd asked Bill whether his answer would be, 'One'.</p><p>He pointedly doesn't think of Bill's 'I don't know what I would do without her' but it comes anyway. With it a pornographic flood of Bill being banged by pretty much every man they've ever met.</p><p>Holden knows this is going too far - becoming a <em>thing</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dinner with Bill and Nancy explains a lot. Nancy is prettier than expected from the small glimpse Holden has caught from the curb while picking Bill up. She's doe-eyed and sweet - Bill's perfect complement. Their conjoined welcome is warm and enthusiastic. Though their cohesive front soon falls apart.</p><p>Holden absorbs each pot shot she throws at Bill and files it away for later.</p><p>"<em>See</em>, it's possible to talk about things Bill." Nancy admonishes.</p><p>Bill freezes like he's been punched in the gut, pointedly doesn't look at Holden. Holden's mind flashes the thought that it would be difficult for Bill <em>not</em> too talk with a dick inside him. He'd break down, babble - answer whatever Holden asked of him. Holden shakes it off.</p><p>The real revelation of the evening though is Bill's relationship with Brian.</p><p>Bill - so...<em>ineffective</em> with Brian. Hovering around him because he doesn't know how to engage.</p><p>Holden remembers when he'd seen them on the lawn. How Bill hadn't realized if he wanted a hug he should crouch down. Instead he'd stood woodenly with his arms out, finally compromising and bending forward to kiss Brian on the head.</p><p>It's sobering.</p><p>Hearing about Bill's father, "He never talked to me."</p><p>And asking the question, "But you talk to Brian?"</p><p>Seeing Bill swallow down his shame, avoid the question, "Want another beer?"</p><p>A split second image of Bill swallowing down <em>something else</em> and Holden sighs.</p><p>He hates these thoughts. They have no sense of what's sacred.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Wendy decides she's staying. That briefly diverts Holden's intrusive thoughts and causes him a sigh of relief. He thinks of her more often than not. How well spoken, how tailored, how graceful. Intrusive thoughts for once taking an almost benign turn, by comparison. Her voice low in his ear, a tug at his belt.</p><p>He doesn't even conflate thoughts of Bill and Brudos, which would seem a subject rife with the opportunity for his mind to fuck with him. Men in women's shoes and Brudos jerking off with Bill just right there. Bill's 'what the fuck' and the way he'd turned away, not only from Brudos but Holden as well. How he'd let his displeasure be known about Holden's sex story afterwards - but really, who doesn't have a weird story about sex and their mom?</p><p>Bill apparently. Who is even more prudish than Holden has taken him for.</p><p>Holden is about to say so when Bill knocks the wind out of his sails, sends his stomach crashing through the floor with the truth of it. Because Holden has always known these intrusive thoughts aren't normal.</p><p>"If what we're doing doesn't get under your skin -" Bill says, mouth dour, "you're either more screwed up than I thought or you're kidding yourself."</p><p>It's a herald of things to come.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Later - after things become a little rocky with Debbie, after Wendy reprimands them for bringing Brudos shoes and Bill tries haphazardly to explain masculine rituals - Brudos leans into the microphone and says,</p><p>"I miss you Bill." sleazy as can be.</p><p>And then it's all Bill again - reluctant but overcome, making halting little panting sounds as he's posed like a doll.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Even the addition of Gregg to the team - a family man sure, but still attractive - his mind doesn't shake any new thoughts loose. It's all Bill, all the time.</p><p>When Bill accuses him of being unprofessional about the tickling principal it doesn't even smart. Probably because Holden has the most vivid picture of shoving Bill over the desk then and there, in front of Wendy and Gregg. Holden would tell himself that he wasn't working Bill up on purpose - but even he knows that's a lie.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The Speck interview is a whole...mess.</p><p>Actually - it goes the way Holden wants it to. It's afterwards - the reaction of everyone else.</p><p>But before that it's Bill on the plane. Giving warning.</p><p>Holden thinks of how Bill had shied away in the interview, how he'd bodily cringed at Holden's words.</p><p>"There's no dishonour in losing the first three minutes - at least - of that tape." Bill impresses it like he really needs Holden to listen.</p><p>So Holden does.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Amid the tape and the OPR tension begins to build. And just maybe Holden's ego inflates a little.</p><p>Holden solves the Devier case.</p><p>He's on a roll - he's on a high.</p><p>The news article happens but Holden can't find it in himself to regret it. Everyone is mad at him, in some way, and it seems unfair. Debbie's bitter 'you want me to shut up and adore you' from the night before is still on his mind.</p><p>Bill's terse reaction certainly doesn't lighten Holden's mood. When Bill tries to explain that the article hurts their project the words are out of Holden's mouth before he thinks them over.</p><p>"Bill..." he starts lowly when Wendy leaves, "is it possible that you're upset because the article doesn't mention you?"</p><p>Watson to his Sherlock.</p><p>Bill's humiliation is there and gone in the blink of his pretty dark lashes, before he gets up and leaves the room.</p><p>It's...a misstep. But not an unforgivable one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Debbie breaks up with him.</p><p>That night the image that crashes through his mind is Bill - surprise, surprise, it's always Bill. Bill adoring him. Bill fucking <em>venerating</em> Holden's dick with his mouth. Spit slick and slopping, panting desperately for breath when he pulls back. Red rimmed eyes and tears and gobs of cum on his face.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>OPR and the tape blow up in Holden's fucking face. He walks out on them - after finding out what his partner thinks of him - he probably walks out on the job if he's being honest with himself, although he refuses to acknowledge it.</p><p>
  <em>He expressed reservations about the way you handle yourself.</em>
</p><p><em>Bill</em> - fucking Bill - has betrayed him. Bill at least has the courtesy to wait for him in the hall. Puffs out a cloud of smoke nonchalantly like he isn't nervous. But Holden can tell - he's nervous.</p><p>"What'd you tell them Bill?"</p><p>"I told them the truth."</p><p>The thoughts are instantly present then - and violent. Holden walks away before he can see the look on Bill's face. The betrayal he's feelings transmutes into something else.</p><p>Bill being speared on Holden's cock as he writhes and cries beneath him, begs him to stop. Being turned over and cuffed, face down. Struggling against the soft down of a pillow, gasping for breath. Holden's fingers bruising Bill's throat. For a split second, he understands Kemper.</p><p>It scares him.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
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